"The Registry"

"Kelvar Glove, an "Asperger' in Hand"-- Mischief and misadventure in high-functioning autism when the police kick down the door! (¶)

z

"Plan 9 from The Garage"-- This epic piece defies easy description. . . . . read it or be a vagrant on the sidewalk of life!(¶)

s

"'Heathers' Heartland Catalog"-- An assortment of cluelessly-styled items for the adults in that movie who did not understand "the war on the ground" at Westerberg! (¶)

a

"A Strange Interlude at Summer Camp"-- No closet ransacked, no scandal defused as Michael confronts something that has bothered him for years! (¶)

a

"As they Vote, so Goes the Nation (DIRECTOR'S CUT)"-- Have a dalliance in "The Red State" mind and don't forget about your country neighbor! (¶)

a

"Eastern Star, a U-City Graveyard"-- Death metal, "Monkey Business", and morbid Jewish sex! What more could you ask for?! (¶)

a

"Fun & Folly 'The Lynching of Andy Kaufman'"-- Don't let your pleasure-reward center get screwed-up with the long implications that follow! (¶)

a

"Michael Goes to Congress (Revamped)"-- A Hunter S. Thompson-like story about a Washington take-over from below! (¶)

a

"Portrait of a Girl I Loved"-- Men need to feel "necessary" and women don't always understand! (¶)

a

"Nomad"-- The stranger reaches of an ironic, genre-bending finale that "lays it on the line"! (¶)

q

ENCORES

"The Temple of Dianna"-- "Conan the Barbarian", or at least a half-Jewish bullshit artist, prays at the foot of Entrepreneur's editor-in-chief!(¶)

d

"'Flight Recorder' and 'Smokescreen'"-- The truth about things is all in "The Black Box" which doesn't lie!(¶)

d

"Cherry Blossom Samurai Ceremony"-- Young fat-assed stabs at greatness from your author in the early '90s!(¶)

d

"River Confesses"-- An imaginary interview of what that Phoenix kid might have said on the David Letterman Show!(¶)

d

"Banjo of the Damned"-- A wrong-headed kid gets stuck with the wrong instrument and slothfulness ensues!(¶)

d

"Banquet of Heroes"-- That seat is taken, son, until you "serve in the stables" and get your ass kicked for acting like "Bart Simpson"!(¶)

d

"Wildlife Management"-- Michael does a one-off of a Winona/Conan o' Brien interview when they're talking about strange names of a counterculture youth and how that might determine our destinies!(¶)

d

"The Unarticulated Issues Club"-- How the din and futility of "Teletubby" MeetUp groups never discuss anything substantial as our nation turns into a mental desert!(¶)

d

"Kinison & Trotsky Trade E-Mails"-- Two bums on the street, one older and one younger, stand around and warm their hands by a trash-can fire!(¶)

d

"Talkin' Trash on 'Earth A.D.'"-- This city had no heart, neither here nor in radio-land nor on the wind-swept streets of empty moonlight!(¶)

d

"Devil's Cell-Block'"-- Whatever the easy solace of extremism, don't end up like this man!(¶)

d

"The Toxic Crusaders"-- "Busy-bodism" is an impossible irritation, unless you play the howling mob to your advantage, unlike "The West Memphis 3" advocates!(¶)

d

"Born 2B Bad (But Not Discounted)"-- Hangin' out with Michael Jackson at "The Neverland Ranch" fire-sale!(¶)

d

"Red Hell"-- Free market economics, focus-group testing, Ayn Rand posturing, and the sad reality of a franchise named "Fuddruckers" out in "Blandville"!(¶)

d

"Occupational Hazards"-- The awful truth about occupational therapy for pervasively developmentally-disordered misfits as run by liberal socialist peace pansies in green sweaters who say "Dang!" a lot"!(¶)

d

"The Great Midwestern Trend-Kill"-- "The Road to Damascus" or "Hollywood Babylon" as seen by two slime-balls made of different stuff "where the world needs a hero" but yet doesn't get one!(¶)

d

"Tonight at 6:30, 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' on 'Infotainment Tonight'!"-- Poking fun at the shoddy attempts to stir up excitement in the audience watching at home!(¶)

d

"How to be a FAILED Con Artist"-- The dynamics of deceit, a slow decent, and why finger-wagging lectures can't "knock it home"!(¶)

d

"The Summer of '97"-- Life in the neoliberal soup where history has come to an end with a random assortment of tragedies, scandals, and news-feeds and teenaged conundrums!(¶)

d

"Podunk Radical"-- Life on "The Jungle Floor" of a far-right organization that you will find, by turns, laughable, tragic, and fascinating!(¶)

d

"Saudi Desert. . . . . Kill The Sunshine"-- The only way "to get" this one is to check it out for yourself!(¶)

d

"The Magic Cat"-- Speculation on "The Craft", from cradle-to-grave and dashing the stereotypes of "an artiste"!(¶)

d

"The Plains of Europe (As Bolstered by Delta Press!)"-- An absurd look at stolid libertarian "lone-wolfism" as fed through outrageous book catalogs!(¶)

d

"Colorado Mountains Majesty"-- Shiftlessness and purpose, seen through the destiny of the wilderness!(¶)

d

"Twisted Psychology"-- Your author takes a summer school class and realizes that he's not nearly as "in-the-know" as he thinks he is. . . . . emotional devastation ensues!(¶)

d

"Touching the Void (A Strange Case of "Culture Shock")"-- Running around with "The Three Fools" from Alternative "Loserville"!(¶)

d

"I Married a Communist!"-- Is man the ultimate existential answer to himself? The answer is all around you with a pulled-punch of absurdity!(¶)

d

"Ole' Goat Head Butts a Preacher!"-- Unleash your inner Lucifer and laugh at this one!(¶)

d

"Tumber Land"-- The cosmopolitan adventures of "The Brandy Station Brigade" from the world over!(¶)

d

"Child's Play"-- Poking fun at slick, digital kid's marketing and the left's futile attempts to stem the tide!(¶)

d

"Bangkok Rain"-- Baseball season, neo-Eastern maxims, and laying ole' Wavy Gravy to rest so one aint like "Heinrich Himler on LSD"!(¶)

d

"The Nuge is Loose"-- Swine flu, rock n' roll fandom, and Ted Nugent on tour-- could there be a correlation?!(¶)

d

"Sports Nation"-- Maximum competition and why, ultimately an umpire's call only half-matters upon this Paleolithic slab!(¶)

d

"Republican War Tank"-- Another day, in another life, in a knife-wielding Republican primary!(¶)

d

"For Whom the Salesman Calls"-- Wretched door-to-door sales, existentially paired up with the absurdity of Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls!(¶)

d

"Tom Metzger's Shithouse"-- Come ride on down to ole' "Terrible Tommy's" ranch, "the most dangerous white supremacist in America"!(¶)

d

"Narrow Track Mind"-- Force, rooted in justice, backed by courage! A manifesto for our wayward times. . . . . (¶)

d

"Altered States"-- It's like LSD, but without the illegal, law-skirting activity! Brain damage is an option, however. . . . . !(¶)

d

"The Happy End vs. A Noble One or How I wooed Karen Allen"-- The closer, the clencher, the bell-ringer!(¶)

a

But Wait! There's more. . . . .

H

Revamped Classics from
"The London Dungeon"
(Evil Live) Where We Pound These Guitars
Like Fuckin' Jackhammers!!!!!!!!!!

a

a

"My Role Model, James Hetfield"-- Read all about Michael's vulgar childhood hero! (¶)

z

a

a

"A Fellow Named Licklider"-- This pioneering computer scientist could not see the spiritual crisis of our coming 1990's exit! (¶)

a

"Yvette & Leanne: Investigative Reporters"-- Two golden girls I remember from high school on the trail of citywide mafia corruption with the sweet perfume of emotional projection! (¶)

a

s

f

d

*******************